Bullying. This is a term that we normally associate with children who display physical or emotional aggressive behavior.  We usually associate this with kids in school or college or during play, when adult supervision is minimal. In other words, we assume that adults will  behave more maturely and advise the children against bullying.

But what if I told you that adults are the worst bullies?

Surprised? Yes…I am sure you have encountered bullies amongst your friends or colleagues. The behavior may be subtle or cloaked under the pretext of a joke. But don’t be fooled – for underneath lies a malicious intent to belittle the person being targeted. And because the bully, as an adult, chooses to do it knowing the impact it can have on the other person, he/she is far worse than a child who may not be fully aware of the repercussions.

Who Are The Bullies?

That boss who always finds fault with whatever you do and doesn’t allow you to shine is a bully. That colleague who is jealous of your work and tries to always divert attention to your drawbacks or spreads malicious gossip is a bully too. That ‘friend’ who constantly shows off his superiority by throwing his ‘branded’ possessions (house, car, clothes, etc) in your face, while making fun of your possessions is a bully.  Is someone stalking you on social media and constantly posting negative things? That is a bully too.

The biggest bullies are those who act pally and take digs at you in the guise of ‘being cool’ or crack ‘jokes’ at your expense. These are the worst of the lot as the bullying is very subtlety done to gain popularity or to isolate you within a group. Because these are not overtly done and usually done by people in your inner circle who you would call ‘friends’, you are unable to identify the true malicious intent immediately.

Are you able to relate these behaviors to people in your circle? Surprised? Don’t be…they are bullies. Beware of them.

Why Do People Bully?

Psychologists say the bullies are often insecure. They may be secretly jealous of your popularity or achievement and to cover that insecurity, they choose to belittle you either directly or subtlety. It is about power and control. They may also choose to do it to cover up their own shortcomings by foisting it on you.

How To Handle A Bully?

If you are the victim of bullying, understand that it is all about power for them. So stand up for yourself and confront them. While this may work in a friend or family circle, it can be a bit challenging in an official scenario, especially if it is a superior. Make sure to tell them that while you are open to feedback, you are not ok to be unnecessarily and constantly targeted. When required, report to HR or a higher authority. Document instances of bullying to support your claim.

In some cases, bullying can take a dangerous turn and become physically violent too. If this happens, seek legal help immediately.

In a friend or family circle, seek out the person and have a chat one-on-one. If this doesn’t help, confront the bully in front of others the next time it occurs. Tell them that you are not OK with this kind of behavior. The bully usually does not like confrontation and will back down or think twice before doing it the next time. Also, this public calling out will deter other bystanders who passively participate in the bullying.

Impact Of Bullying On Health

Immaterial of how prepared you are and how much knowledge on bullying you have, there is always a negative impact when you come across bullying.  While the victims surely have some adverse impact, even people who witness it may be affected with guilt or low morale.

The victims may develop low self-esteem or even depression in severe cases. They may show symptoms of insomnia or have anxiety attacks or withdraw into a shell and not meet others to avoid being bullied. In severe cases, they can develop trust issues too.

Of course, the bullies themselves need professional help and support to identify and address the issue. In some cases, the behavior can escalate if left untreated and can lead to other issues of physical or verbal abuse.

The next time you are bullied or witness someone being bullied, stand up and say NO to the wrong behavior. Do reach out to support groups and helplines if you know of a victim or bully who needs help.

This blog post is part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla in collaboration with VoxBox and Journery Matters.

This post is part of Blogchatter’s CauseAChatter

18 Comments

  1. You have shared good points about bullying, Vasumathi. Bullying can lead to suicide. In India, it is still subtle. In the west, kids and adults are so sensitive and they are bullied more.

  2. This is one of things we need to teach our children so they can be more responsible as adults. Sometimes it is those around us who are also at fault by not helping the victims and standing by them. But the only person who can take away the bully’s power is you.

  3. Sadly this happens every where . One needs to be mentally strong and take a stand against such toxic persons.

  4. Bullying has some negative effects on people those who are not mentally strong. I have seen people going through deep depression. Actually, it’s our duty to stand beside them to help them getting out of such situation.

  5. I too have the impression that the bullying people face some sort of insecurity. They find happiness by shaming you or by spreading misinformation about you. Good discussion.

  6. You are absolutely right. Bullies are everywhere and not everyone is able to handle them. But we generally only think of kids when we say bullying. You have shared some really good tips.

  7. Your post is on point. Bullying has a lifelong impact on the victim. And bullies are often insecure and there is the sense of power. Thanks for sharing about the support group too.

  8. This a great post and you covered all types of bullying. Office bullying I have noticed many times. Sometimes it’s difficult to handle a bully if they are superior.

  9. Condemning is bad and doing it continuous is worst. Thanks for sharing this. Some people may take it seriously and get into the slumber of sorrow.

  10. That’s an extremely real topic. Never realised that behaviour of some personnel could be classified as bullying. Loved the tips you shared to deal with it as well!

  11. Bullying is a serious crime and we should protest about it. I find in my office too, there are many colleagues, bullies, to female colleagues because of jealousy or insecurity. These kinds of insane acts need to be stopped if we vocal for these. Now I know what to do.

  12. Of course, Bullying is toxic, Be it in young age or in Adulthood. It has to be stopped, We are trying to tell our children about the same, about how to deal with bullying as well as why not Bully anybody else.

  13. We have all encountered bullies in all stages of life. Your advice is sound and is sure to help many.

Comments are closed.

Vasumathi

Blogger, Content Creator, Knowledge Facilitator, Hobby Photographer & Mom To A Naughty Dalmatian.